On sexist or racist comments

I find it fairly ironic that people who don't want to hear sexist comments often make sexist comments themselves. I have also heard people complain about racist comments while making racist comments themselves. Same story with sexual orientation comments, size comments, etc.

I have worked hard to eliminate sexist/racist/etc. comments from my speech patterns and it is tough. First you have to think through things we are used to hearing and decide if they are biased and then you have to constantly filter what you say to make sure you don't repeat a biased comment that you have heard. It is difficult and I wouldn't say I was perfect but at least I am aware and try.

Worthwhile things are often difficult, but we should always try. Meanwhile I get to laugh at you when you complain about sexist comments in one breath and make one the next. :)

Finances in relationships

I read a news article about couples hiding spending from each other. The article tried to make the point that couples are more willing to talk about sex than money, but I don't think it really succeeded to make that point. Regardless, here is my thoughts on finances in relationships.

When a couple is living together but not married they shouldn't pool their money into one account. Marriage is a legal bond and if you haven't committed to that you shouldn't commit to pooling your money. Keep your money separate and each should contribute to the joint expenses (housing, food, utilities, shared vacations, etc.) by whatever agreement they can work out.

When a couple is married they should pool their money into one account but they should have an agreed on amount that each should get per week/month/whatever to spend as they wish. This amount should be for individual hobbies, clothing, entertainment, etc. It should be kept in separate accounts if it accumulates. This allows the individual to spend money as they wish without the need to get approval from their spouse. Of course this amount should be equal for each.

That is my opinion on the subject any way and if you are in a relationship where things work differently then good for you, at least you have a solution that works. But if money is a cause of friction in your relationship then maybe this will give you something to think about.

Some random stuff

I have been trying to blog for a couple of days now but I haven't been able to come up with anything to say. Christmas is over, that makes me happy because I don't like the crowds. My niece Tracie had her baby and is doing well, that also makes me happy. But neither is something that I have done, just things that have been happening around me. I prefer to blog about things that matter to me rather than my day to day doings because my life is fairly boring.

So let's see, what can I say .....

Gambling is fine as a recreation but if you see it as a way to make money then you are wrong. There is no way to make money by gambling, only lose money.

I think self sufficiency is a good idea, I just wish I could be a bit more self sufficient myself.

Speaking of self sufficient, I see marriage as a good thing. Couples often complement each other as far as skills go which means a couple can be do more than an individual can. I could really use a wife to keep me organized, a skill I lack.

Perfection is impossible but that doesn't mean we shouldn't get as close as we can. I see a lot of people settling for "good enough". That is a fairly lousy attitude to take with life. Take some pride in yourself and your work and do the best possible.

I am fairly amazed at how few people read now. It is kind of disconcerting. But I guess that is how it is. I wonder if people will read more in the future? It may come back around some day.

I guess that is enough randomness for now. Maybe soon I can come up with something important to say.

Memories, or the lack thereof

It always amazes me what people can remember and what they can't. My ability to remember is notoriously bad, yet I have met people who can remember the names of teachers they had in grade school 40 years after the fact. I couldn't have told you the names of the teachers 2 years after the fact.

I can remember some things from long ago but not many. I couldn't tell you about any of the Christmas presents I ever got except a stuffed penguin I got when I was 18 or 19. I couldn't tell you any of the phone numbers I have ever had and can barely remember the one I have now.

Yet there are people in the world who can remember those things. It amazes me. How do they do it? How can they remember what happened 40 years before?

Of course there is a balance. I may not remember well but I understand concepts well and can apply those concepts in unique ways once I know them. I may not remember who my second grade teacher was but I know the theory behind how each household appliance works and could design a refrigerator or washing machine if I had to.

I guess each have their own abilities and inabilities, but how do you folks live with your heads full of names and dates? I guess I will never know.

Running hot and cold

I don't know why but right now I am either freezing or baking, never in between. It is quite annoying.

Winter has started at last, that may have something to do with it. The new medication I am taking is allowing me to be a bit more active, that may have something to do with it. Or it may just be because I am old.

Pain free, for a while at least

I am on a second course of prednisone and I can't tell you how great it is to be able to walk down stairs without my knees cracking and popping from the pressure. Prednisone is dangerous and shouldn't be taken often but having a week or so without pain after so many years of constant pain is wonderful. I hope the new medication works as well. Pain isn't fun even once you have learned to live with it.

Economic self reliance

A lot of American jobs have been sent over seas where the labor rate is cheaper. As a result almost nothing is actually built in America anymore. This an obvious problem, one that the government doesn't seem to care much about. I find that very odd.

While it is impossible to be a totally self sufficient island in the world economy I am worried about America's absolute reliance on the world economy as a whole. If we become solely dependent on one country or continent for something and that part of the world decides they don't like us anymore what will happen? During World War II the U.S. auto factories made our tanks, bombs, and planes. Will the next war be called off because we can't buy the necessary electronics to run our war military? I would think that the government would force certain manufacturing capabilities to remain within the U.S. control to ensure we can defend ourselves.

Yes, labor is cheaper in other countries, but shouldn't we have tariffs and taxes in place to ensure that we retain certain basic abilities within our own country? Shouldn't we have the ability to rely on ourselves in times of crisis or war?

I know none of this is new or even very exciting, but I have never heard a good answer to these basic questions. I can't believe the government hasn't considered the possibility of another war or some natural or political disaster wiping out one of the suppliers of basic goods. But where are the answers?

America is a funny place

America is a funny place. If you take pictures of your children fresh out of the bath tub you might get arrested for producing child porn. If you get caught peeing behind a bush you might get arrested for public exposure, even if nobody actually saw anything. On the other hand if you want to fly you have to either let the government take a nude picture of you (via x-ray) or get your genitals felt by a government employee. It is a very odd contrast.

Alcohol is a recreational drug that has few medical benefits yet is legal. Marijuana is a recreational drug that has few medical benefits yet is very illegal.

I know things are slowly changing, attitudes and laws are slowly changing. But while they are changing we have these in-between times when things just don't make a lot of sense. I hope one day they will, but I rather doubt it will happen in my lifetime.

The death penalty

I just finished reading another news report of a mother killing her child. We really need the death penalty for cases like this. Not because it will deter others but because we don't need these people in the population. Ever.

There are many fine people in the world. There are a vast number of not so fine but adequate people in the world. But there is a small number of people we can live without. Rapists, child molesters, and people otherwise convicted of multiple violent crimes we can live without. If there is absolute rock solid proof they are guilty we should put them to death. They are insane and there is no way they will ever become sane. For our safety and the safety of our children we should remove them from the world.

That's my opinion.

People are confusing

I don't have a lot of friends but the friends I do have are wonderful. About half of my friends are women and many of my casual acquaintances are women. When talking to them I try very hard to remember to look them in the eye. This is difficult for me because I am not visually oriented and tend to look over a person's shoulder or at anything that is moving. Unfortunately the moving bits are usually breasts and it makes women uncomfortable, so I try very hard and even ask my close friends once in a while how I am doing. Yes, that is as awkward as it sounds.

I have always treated women as people and don't understand the attitudes of some men that only see them as sex objects or something even worse. Given the obvious evidence that women are at least as smart as men and do in fact have personalities I don't understand how anybody can maintain this attitude. But it is clear that people have an amazing ability to not see what they don't want to see.

One of the many things that mystifies me is the fact that women actually marry these men. Why would a woman marry somebody who doesn't treat them as an equal? Why would you stay with somebody who abuses you? What attracts women to these men in the first place? I have no clue. It amazes me that women put up with this, but again they may be using that amazing ability to not see what they don't want to see.

There are many things I don't understand in the world. But the areas I do understand I try to do something about. My attempts to keep from annoying my women friends is one small area I can do something about. Of course some days are am better at that than others. On days when the over endowed woman a work wears a plunging neckline I have to avoid talk to her. I said I try, I didn't say I was a saint.

More discussion about my dreams

Most of my dreams fall into the category of adventure dreams. They are very long and usually have me exploring a old buildings of a society long gone. Usually I am with a group of people, and the dreams leave me with a sense of belonging and adventure.

The next most common dream I have usually has me looking for a bathroom. In this sort of dream I am always alone and lost in a very active building full of people I don't know. The bathrooms are always very public (like toilets sitting in the hallway sort of public) and I won't use them so I am trying to find a hidden bathroom somewhere. These dreams leave me with a sense of being not part of society.

On rare occasions when I am physically cold I have bad dreams. These are vague and scary. They usually leave me with a desire to hide under the bed.

The rarest of dreams for me are the fragmented, confused dreams that people are supposed to have. I get these if I am too hot or sick. They never make any sense and I rarely remember anything specific about them. Fortunately they don't happen often.

So why did I write this? I don't know. I have always been interested in dreams. I don't think they mean much. If anything I think my dreams show I have a need to be part of a group and feel accepted. They also show I like adventure and wandering around ruins of old civilizations. But hey, who doesn't?

Does anybody have any dream stories they want to share?

My opinion on tattoos

They're stupid and ugly. I have no idea why people would want them. Same with piercings, brandings, and things implanted under the skin. Obviously lots of people don't share my opinion, but that doesn't sway me. They are dumb.

Perfume and scents - Please stop bathing in them

I am sensitive to perfumes, they make my nose run and give me a headache. I work with several other people who are even more sensitive to scents, they get migraines. Meanwhile we have several people in our building that absolutely reek of perfume or other scents. People who have an extreme habit of putting on so much perfume that it makes my eyes water just to be near them.

Please stop.

Bathing in perfume will not make you pretty, it makes you reek. A shower every day makes you clean. Some unscented deodorant will keep you from smelling bad after you have sweated a bit. That is all you need. Dumping a ton of perfume on afterward just makes you smell bad in a different way.

I have several friends that use light scents and that doesn't bother me, so it isn't that I am just hyper-sensitive to perfume. I have spoken to them about this topic and they agree it isn't just me being sensitive, the people in question reek of perfume. I wonder what causes people to do this? Insecurity about themselves or have they just lost all sense of smell?

Knowledge isn't absolute

Every once in a while I meet somebody who believes that they know everything there is to know about a subject and that what they know is all that will ever be known about the subject. It is nice to be sure of yourself but come on! It is silly to think that what is known now is absolute truth and that this is all that will ever be known about a subject. We are constantly learning new things about old subjects and finding out that what we used to know about something isn't true. But no, these people are absolutely certain and cannot be swayed by logic.

What would lead somebody to this viewpoint? Why would anybody believe that what they know is absolute and no new knowledge is possible?

I have considered this question at length and have come to the conclusion that this is a form of wishful thinking. These people want to believe they know everything because they want to believe they are in control of their lives and there are no more surprises coming.

I like learning so the fact that no knowledge is absolute isn't a problem for me. But I think I can see why some people would want it otherwise because of a desire to be in control. I can sort of see it. But I wouldn't want to live in that world.

Been ill for a while but am doing better now

For the last couple of years my life has been getting progressively more painful. After a recent "we tried everything else" test gave a possible clue to an autoimmune problem they gave me Prednisone as a temporary test to see if it helps. It helps a lot. I hope this leads to better things.

Meanwhile I have been reading because that is about all I could do. I am currently reading Xenocide, the third book in the Ender's Game series. One of the worlds settled in this book is one totally settled by Chinese. They follow the old gods and the traditional Chinese philosophy. The closest they have to royalty is the god touched. Those who can sense the gods. Since the gods are perfect people who are god touched feel they are filthy. The early sign of a god touched is a person who compulsively washes their hands until they bleed. To test if they are truly god touched they put the person in a special room, dip their hands in dirty grease and leave them alone. If they try to kill themselves rather than live with the dirty hands then they are truly god touched.

I wish most of the religions people followed made even half that much sense. I mean this was freaky to read but compared to the popemobile it made a lot of sense!

A minor achievement

For a large part of my life I have been trying to understand electronics. I could figure it out well enough to build a flashlight, but anything beyond that point was a mystery. I bought and read several books that were supposed to explain electronics in a simple manner, but always got lost once they went past the simple flashlight stage. So about 15 years ago I bought a book called "There are no electrons: Electronics for Earthlings" which explained electronics a totally different way. And it was a great book but I always got lost part way through. Every couple of years I would try reading the book again but always got confused.

This weekend I finally made it all the way through the book and actually understood it. It is the first time in my life I can actually understand the formulas that apply to electronics. I even have some idea what some of the components do and how they work. It is amazing that I finally after all these years have grasped the concepts in the book. Of course there are still things I don't understand, things that were not covered in the book, but at least I have learned.

Yay for me!

I have an owie

I can boil my life down to this - I have an owie and nobody to kiss it to make it better.

Being single stinks. There is nobody to share your troubles with, which makes them even worse.

Being the proud parent of a 17 year old mildly autistic child doesn't help much either, he only cares about sports and stops listening to me after the fifth word. I am not sure if that is the teenager part or the mildly autistic part. Either way it means he isn't any help.

Being single stinks. It has been 10 years now and not one woman has asked me to marry her. Or even asked me out.

Goodbye Roger

My oldest living brother passed away this week. Since he was 11 years older than me I didn't really know him as well as I should have. He was a quiet person who listened more than he spoke, and our age difference meant he was almost out of the house by the time I was grown enough to have any sort of meaningful discussion with him.

His death this close to my mom's has been depressing. As you get older death of a friend or relative becomes more commonplace, but never easy to deal with.

Meeting aliens

In the movies and on TV all of the aliens we meet somehow speak English and look remarkably like us. If we ever meet an alien species things won't be this simple.

Will aliens even be able to breath the same air as us? Could we breath theirs? It seems unlikely that the air mixture of Earth is the only breathable one. It is possible that our air would be fatal to aliens, or theirs to us. Allergens and microbes in the air would further complicate this problem.

Would aliens be able to eat our food? It seems unlikely that aliens would be able to digest our food. It may in fact be deadly for them to even try. Some element common in our food may be poisonous to them.

Would we be able to communicate? We communicate mainly be vibrating the air but also with visual signals. Aliens might communicate with radio waves, generated light pulses, or chemical signals. They may not even use the linear pattern we use and instead communicate by using multiple channels at once.

Would we even recognize them as intelligent? If an alien landed a spaceship we would probably guess that it was intelligent. But if we landed on another planet would we even be able to recognize which creatures were intelligent and which weren't?

Meeting an alien species isn't as simple as they show on TV. I wonder how bad we will mess it up when we have the chance?

Coed bathrooms

I recently watched a TV show that mentioned in passing the concept of co-ed bathrooms at colleges. A few colleges are trying it at their co-ed dorms and with mixed success. So this post is my thoughts on co-ed bathrooms. Lucky you.

Currently most bathrooms are divided into men and women because men and women are sexually attracted to each other. This division totally ignores gays, lesbians, transgenders, and intergenders.

Instead of dividing bathrooms into men and women I would much prefer we redesign the bathrooms for personal privacy and make them work for everyone. Make the stall door and walls run from floor to ceiling. Add fans and noise cancellation. That would be my ideal, but if I can't get privacy then making the bathrooms work for everybody at least acknowledges the existence of the groups that have been ignored for so long. They may be a small percentage of the population, but they exist and we should acknowledge that fact.

My issue with the concept of Authority

I do not agree with the concept of Authority. At the root of the concept is the idea that one person or group is superior and one person or group is inferior. Being a firm believer in equality I reject the idea that anybody is superior or inferior to me. Since I reject the root of the concept I can't agree with the concept itself.

Now I have no problem working for others, I have worked for individuals and large corporations, but the root of these work agreements is mutual respect and negotiation as equals. If you look up respect in wikipedia it discusses the idea of respect for superiors. I don't believe in the concept of superiors so I have to reject this form of respect. Never the less I do respect others, but I respect them for who they are and what they can do not for some position or job title they hold.

This is a problem of course. I could never be in the military because I do not agree with the concept of respect of superiors, something the military is based on. I wisely chose never to join the military, although many times I wish I had been able to serve in some fashion. I avoid contact with the police and courts because people in these institutions expect respect based on their job title and I cannot give it. There are people in the police and courts that I have respected, but because of who they are not the job title they held.

The concept of authority is a very old concept that should have been eliminated long ago. Perhaps some day society will advance far enough that we can eliminate the concept, but for now the concept seems well entrenched.

Bye Mom

My mom passed away this morning at the age of 90. She lived a full life and had been in declining health for many years. It was time. She had learned everything she was going to learn and had overcome every obstacle that she was going to overcome.

With some people you can't win I guess

As the two of you that actually read this know I have a lady that comes in to clean every week. She doesn't normally do cleaning but she knows me from work and cleans to help me out. She is close to my age and we like to talk. Today I noticed that when she talks to me she always has her hands near her face. I thought that was odd, when I see her at work she doesn't do that. After thinking for a few minutes I realized she was using her arms to cover her breasts. Now this bothers me because I take a lot of care in not looking at women's breasts. When talking I look at their face or to the side.

I don't think I have ever given her reason to be uncomfortable around me. I have been careful to never stare at her, I clean the dirty clothes out of my room before she cleans, I have been very careful about what I say, etc. Yet she is clearly uncomfortable around me. I find this very frustrating. Sure it may have nothing to do with me, she may be this way with everybody. I still find it annoying that I haven't succeeded in making her comfortable.

A follow up to a previous post

This weekend I read that 60% of men and 50% of women will have affairs during their marriage. I find these numbers very discouraging. It seems more and more people are focusing on themselves and their own self gratification. Marriage is about commitment, if you can't stay committed then you shouldn't marry.

Gays in the military, gay marriage, etc.

I really don't understand the problem people have with gays in the military. It is a job just like any other. Gays can be firemen, policemen, or congressmen. Why not soldiers? I have read a few of the arguments but they don't make any sense.

With gay marriage I can see where a church might have a say they won't conduct a gay marriage, but I don't understand the government saying they won't issue a marriage certificate. Marriage is a legal contract. Gender shouldn't play a part in this.

More on trust

I said before that the lack of trust is add overhead to everything. I think this needs a bit more explanation.

If you try to buy something at the store and there is absolutely no level of trust then the checkout person has to check every bill you hand them to see if it is a fake. That adds to the time you spend in line and the extra time the checker spends will eventually be added to the cost of the items you buy. You will need to check every bit of change you receive. The items you buy may be used, mislabeled, or not weigh the amount printed on the package. All of this adds to the amount of time you spend at the store. Overhead.

If you are in a relationship and you have to constantly monitor your spouse to ensure they aren't cheating on you this time spent is overhead. If your boss has to pay somebody to make sure you are putting in a full day and you in turn have to argue with your boss to make sure you are paid what they are supposed to this is overhead. If everybody is cheating everybody else and you have to spend all of your time making sure you aren't cheated this is overhead.

All of this overhead (wasted time and money) takes away from productive time and productive uses of money. It also takes away from the quality of life you experience and adds a lot of stress. This wasted effort and added stress means humanity as a whole isn't going to be making the progress it should. New inventions won't be made, new music won't be written, and new ideas won't be spread. Basically the dark ages.

I don't know how we are going to turn this around. People have to start being less self centered and more trustworthy, but our society is actually heading in the opposite direction right now. Our entire culture seems to be pushing us into being less trustworthy and I don't know how to change that.

Trust

My last post leads to this one. I was reading a book and the author brought up the issue of trust and how lack of trust increases overhead in both business and social situations. Lack of trust actually hinders the forward progress of human development because when you can't trust anybody there is no sharing of ideas so little or no growth in technology. When you can't trust then stress caused by the difficulties of daily living causes breakdowns in social behavior.

The self centered behavior I mentioned yesterday causes lack of trust. If you borrow your neighbors lawn mower and are indifferent about returning it you probably won't be able to borrow it in the future, with good reason. I am seeing a trend towards self centered behavior and with it a break down in general trust. Relationships are failing because of affairs, which of course is a self centered behavior. Sporting events that were intended to aid in the development of children are failing in their intent because every parent wants their child to be the star.

I am rather disappointed that more people (and businesses) don't understand that breaking a trust is self-defeating. When a business gives it's stockholders a bonus instead of it's employees it gains a short term benefit at the cost of trust with it's employees. When a person cheats on their spouse they lose not only that relationship but will be less trusted by others who hear about their infidelity. The people who cause the loss of trust are affected but the people they cheat are less likely to trust others, which creates issues with society. So everyone loses.

Disappointed

I like to help people. I do it a lot. But lately I have started to rethink this because I don't feel that others appreciate what I do. They say thanks and all but nothing else. There are no offers to help me in return. My good friends help and I appreciate that, and I help them in return. But I am feeling under-appreciated by the the lesser friends, acquaintances, and strangers that I help.

Perhaps I should cut back on how much I help people. I like helping people and have always hoped that the people I helped would in turn help others, but lately people are acting very self centered and I am starting to think all of my help is just being wasted on selfish or self centered people. I really don't want to stop helping, but I also don't want to help people who aren't going to help others in return.

I don't have an answer, just disappointment.

Well that didn't work

I was trying a new method for blogging, actually saving my blogs and reviewing them before I posted them. Unfortunately that led to the entries being edited into oblivion. So now I will go back to stream of consciousness. It won't be perfect but at least it will be.

More on the written language

After thinking about it a bit I have come to the conclusion that the ideal written language should be phonetic instead of pictorial, so we should have something similar to what the written version of English was supposed to be but better. I think the final version of something written that imitates something spoken would look a lot like music in that the sounds would stretch horizontally to indicate the length of time the sound should take and stretch vertically to indicate the pitch. Bolding or underlining would indicate emphasis on the correct syllable.

Do I expect the world to change the way the English language is written? Not really. But that won't stop me from wishing. Just because the world isn't perfect and never will be doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it so. The effort is worthwhile even if the struggle is in vain.

Thinking about the written language

I have often been annoyed with written English. The fact that two different words can have the same spelling but different pronunciations and meanings is just stupid (ie lead a horse to water and lead sinker). I have been going back and forth on what a proper written language should be like.

One idea is that every possible sound in the language should have a symbol. This was originally the purpose of the alphabet, but new sounds have been included and some have changed. The only way to make this system work is to have a reference that shows the symbol and produces the sound. That would work but with our current technology it requires an electronic recording to make the sound, which wouldn't be ideal for teaching others the language in a non-technology environment.

Another direction is to use symbols that represent whole words. The problem with this is that you end up with a lot of symbols and there would be no way to represent new words (like a new name). It would in some ways be easier to learn, but in others would be totally impractical.

So what would make the ideal written language? Something that is unambiguous and simple to learn. Something that is somewhat flexible so that new words could be added, yet firm enough that you the pronunciation and meaning of a written word wouldn't change over time or vary by geographic area. Any thoughts?

Why don't people learn?

In the last week I have read news accounts of:

• A man killed by his two dogs, which had attacked people before but he was able to convince the courts to let him keep them.
• A woman killed while working with a killer whale that had previously killed two people.
• A man killed by his pet bull (yes, a pet bull) that had broken his ribs the previous year.
• A four year old girl killed by a family dog one week after the other family dog had been taken away for biting an adult.

In the case of the dogs they were breeds known to be aggressive. Bulls are by nature both very large and aggressive. And of course killer whales are both very large and have the word KILLER in their name!

If a person wants to keep a large and dangerous animal as a pet that is certainly their privilege. But often these animals kill or maim others. Certainly it wasn't the four year old girls decision that killed her, it was her parents decision to keep the dog that killed her. The man who was killed by his own dogs went to court and fought to keep them after they had attacked others.

So while it is certainly within the rights of somebody to own a large and dangerous animal it is rarely *wise* to own such an animal, and it is often dangerous to others because the owners do not take proper precautions to ensure that others are not injured.

Every year I see these reports of people's pets attacking others and each year I hope that maybe this year people will figure it out and make wiser decisions. So far I have been disappointed.

The impermanance of the internet

I was organizing my bookmarks today, something I have been meaning to do for some time. The task was somewhat simplified by the fact that about a third of the links no longer worked so could be deleted.

The internet is a wonderful tool to find information. Of course the most up to date information is from people trying to sell you something, but still there is a lot of information out there. It is rather sad to see how many of the pages disappear after only a year or two. Several of the links that no longer exist were to pages that held useful reference information. Information that is just as relevant today as it was a few years ago, but the person maintaining the website has moved on to other things and the information is now lost.

We live in a world of change, and the internet is just as impermanent as the other things in life. I am going to have to keep that in mind and make sure to keep a printed copy of useful information, not just a link to where it can be found.

Communication difficulties

I try very hard not to offend the sensibilities of others, but often fail. Usually when I know a specific person well enough I usually know what subjects they will and will not speak of and what will offend them, but with some people I never learn where the limits are. And of course sometimes I forget and cross the line or discuss a subject that I should have known would offend them, but I got too carried away to remember.

I am fairly open minded and have no problems discussing subjects that others have problems with. At least when I am speaking at the academic level and not at a personal level. And I have no problem making jokes on topics others consider taboo. The problem is I always have to remember who I am talking to (or who is listening) and speak accordingly. This is a very, very difficult thing for me. It is difficult to speak freely with one group of people and yet remember to speak very guardedly with another.

I don't know how the rest of you do it. I know of several free thinkers or alternative lifestylers (is that a word? well it is now) who have no problems speaking to various groups without offending others. Of course I know a few others who really don't care if the listeners get offended, they bull on anyway.

I try to be considerate and try not to offend others, but I do like to explore subjects which many people find uncomfortable to discuss. I try my best to balance, but often wish I could do a better job.

The odd behavior of people

Normally I avoid crowds wherever possible, but recently I attended the Detroit Auto Show and noticed some behavior I see at work a lot. A lot of people like to walk on the left side of the aisle. This seems very odd to me since we drive on the right side of the road. I would think that driving on the right would condition them to walk on the right, but for some reason about 25% don't. Did the English get it right and mankind was really meant to drive/walk on the left? Is this an attempt to express some individualism? Or are people just plain rude and don't care about traffic patterns? I don't know, but find it interesting.

On a similar note every once in a while I find somebody that really, really likes to invade my personal space. A couple of weeks ago I sat down in the cafeteria at work to eat breakfast. A minute later a person walked past dozens of tables to sit at the table right behind me. We were the only two people in the entire place and he wanted to sit next to me. Today I was walking into a building and a man was basicly on my heels so I stepped aside to force him to pass. Five minutes later he was on my heels again in a hallway that was at least 10 feet wide, so I stopped again to force him to pass. Two minutes after that he was behind me at the candy machine. Now I have no idea how he kept getting behind me since I kept forcing him to pass, all I can think of is that he kept circling around or stepping into side rooms until I went past again, but the main point is that every time he and I were in the same area he was two feet behind me when there was plenty of room and reason for him to not be right behind me. What is it with these people?

Legal Entities

Another boring database design blog by me.

I first encountered the term Legal Entity in a sci-fi book. I am pretty sure it was in one of the Ringworld series books. The term referred to any being recognized by law as having legal rights.

In our world a legal entity could be a person, a company, a corporation, a government, or any other thing recognized by law as having legal rights. Far, far too often I see databases designed to hold customer or supplier information where the customer or supplier is assumed to be a company or corporation. People and governments are often shoehorned in by being treated as a company or corporation. Of course I have also seen the opposite, with letters address to Mr. Department of Energy.

The reason for this is that most database designers design for the majority and do not take into consideration the exceptions. The exceptions are important, if only so you don't look stupid sending a voter registration form to a cat or a letter addressed to the head of household at a nuclear plant. Instead of designing a customer table that can only link to the company table design it to link to a legal entity table. The legal entity table can then indicate what type of legal entity you are dealing with and provide a link to the correct table. And if there is any possibility that your customers are going to be cats/bats/horseshoes/cars, create an entity table that contains a link to the appropriate subtype table (one of which would be legal entity).

Argh!!!

Living with a 16 year old high-functioning autistic child is really, really frustrating. Every day I ask him if you did his homework. "Yup." Did you turn it in? "Yes." Did anything happen at school today? "No."

Tonight I got a phone call from his homeroom teacher. It is time to do his IEP (just paperwork). The teacher had spoken to Matt and Matt wants to do it himself without me involved. The teacher just wanted to verify that this was okay and that Matt had spoken to me about it. Of course it was okay and of course Matt never said a word about it. I spent half an hour talking to the teacher about Matt, what he is like at home (very different than at school), and about his possible future.

So then I go out and ask Matt if anything happened at school today? "No." I asked him the same question three times in a row and he finally said "Nothing happened, just the usual stuff." So I said no, something special happened at school today, what was it. Then he remembered that the teacher had spoken to him. Why didn't you tell me sooner? "I don't know."

Apparently school and home exist in two different but parallel universes and knowledge about the one cannot be transmitted to the other. When Matt goes to school he doesn't know what happened at home, when he goes home he doesn't know what happened at school. It is a truly amazing and very frustrating phenomenon.

Predicting the future

Anybody can predict the future. Hold an egg in one hand four feet off the ground. Take your best guess at what will happen when you let go of the egg, then see if you were right. Wow, you predicted the future.

Sometimes it isn't that tough to predict the future. You don't need to drop an egg to know it will splat on the floor, you just know it will happen. You don't need to walk barefoot on broken glass to know it is a bad idea. You might not get cut, but that would be the way to bet.

On one of the database forums I post on there are several people that insist you should not do anything except what you have been asked to do because you can't know what the future requirements are. I disagree. When I design a database I do what I have been told to do, but then I go the extra step and design in hooks or features that I am fairly confident they are going to ask for in the near future. The tricky part is balancing the odds of the need against the cost of doing the work now versus later of course.

Balancing is always the tricky part of life. Even once you have predicted the future (or the odds of the various possible futures) you need to weigh the cost of preventing any future problem against the benefits of preventing that problem. We all know that walking on broken glass barefoot is a bad idea, but we don't wear shoes 24/7 to prevent cuts when we are fairly sure there is no broken glass in the area.

It makes sense to carry a spare tire in your car in case of a flat because the cost is low but the benefit is high. The odds of getting a flat are iffy, but given the low cost of carrying around a spare at all times versus the cost and inconvenience of not having one when you get a flat I think they are worth it.

If there is any point to this post at all (and even I am not sure if there is) it is that there are some things you should prepare for. Some habits you should learn to prevent future problems.

When I put the knives in the dishwasher I put the points down, because it takes little effort and saves me possible pain.

I have found that having a fairly large balance in my checking account can save me a lot of future grief if any number of things go wrong.

I keep basic life-support things with me in the car in case I get stuck somewhere.

I keep a stock of food, water, and a portable generator on hand in case I get snowed in or the power goes out.

I know how to find my son in an emergency and he knows how to contact my relatives and friends in case he can't find me.

This list could go on forever, but you should have the point by now. Think of what the future may bring. Figure the odds of a specific event happening. Figure the cost of planning for or preventing the problem now and weight that against the cost of dealing with the problem in the future.

The importance of understanding others

I like reading science fiction because it provides an opportunity to see other points of view. Similarly I enjoy talking to people about their points of view and beliefs. At least usually I enjoy it, sitting through a lecture on why their opinion is the right one because it just is isn't any fun so I avoid those situations when I can. But I like to learn about different viewpoints and I think it is important to do so. I think the world would be a much better place to live if people put more effort into understanding others rather than trying to force their own viewpoints down other peoples throats.

I don't really understand the reasoning that led to the crusades. Forcing people to accept your religion seems counterproductive and self contradictory. I don't really understand the people that blow themselves up to kill others that don't believe as they do. And perhaps more relevant, I don't understand those that want laws in place to force people to act as they think they should act. Oh, I understand the reasoning behind laws like public nudity, we need to have some basic agreement on what is acceptable public behavior. But I don't understand laws about things people do in private. Why ban gay marriage? If only consenting adults are involved why do we have any marriage laws? I don't understand why people feel the need to force people to conform to their expectations when they are out of their sight and what they do has no affect on others. This need to control others seems very unhealthy, yet very pervasive throughout human history. It is strange.

In this new year try to be open to other peoples viewpoints. And try not to care about what they do in private. We need more understanding in this world.