Communication difficulties

I try very hard not to offend the sensibilities of others, but often fail. Usually when I know a specific person well enough I usually know what subjects they will and will not speak of and what will offend them, but with some people I never learn where the limits are. And of course sometimes I forget and cross the line or discuss a subject that I should have known would offend them, but I got too carried away to remember.

I am fairly open minded and have no problems discussing subjects that others have problems with. At least when I am speaking at the academic level and not at a personal level. And I have no problem making jokes on topics others consider taboo. The problem is I always have to remember who I am talking to (or who is listening) and speak accordingly. This is a very, very difficult thing for me. It is difficult to speak freely with one group of people and yet remember to speak very guardedly with another.

I don't know how the rest of you do it. I know of several free thinkers or alternative lifestylers (is that a word? well it is now) who have no problems speaking to various groups without offending others. Of course I know a few others who really don't care if the listeners get offended, they bull on anyway.

I try to be considerate and try not to offend others, but I do like to explore subjects which many people find uncomfortable to discuss. I try my best to balance, but often wish I could do a better job.

The odd behavior of people

Normally I avoid crowds wherever possible, but recently I attended the Detroit Auto Show and noticed some behavior I see at work a lot. A lot of people like to walk on the left side of the aisle. This seems very odd to me since we drive on the right side of the road. I would think that driving on the right would condition them to walk on the right, but for some reason about 25% don't. Did the English get it right and mankind was really meant to drive/walk on the left? Is this an attempt to express some individualism? Or are people just plain rude and don't care about traffic patterns? I don't know, but find it interesting.

On a similar note every once in a while I find somebody that really, really likes to invade my personal space. A couple of weeks ago I sat down in the cafeteria at work to eat breakfast. A minute later a person walked past dozens of tables to sit at the table right behind me. We were the only two people in the entire place and he wanted to sit next to me. Today I was walking into a building and a man was basicly on my heels so I stepped aside to force him to pass. Five minutes later he was on my heels again in a hallway that was at least 10 feet wide, so I stopped again to force him to pass. Two minutes after that he was behind me at the candy machine. Now I have no idea how he kept getting behind me since I kept forcing him to pass, all I can think of is that he kept circling around or stepping into side rooms until I went past again, but the main point is that every time he and I were in the same area he was two feet behind me when there was plenty of room and reason for him to not be right behind me. What is it with these people?

Legal Entities

Another boring database design blog by me.

I first encountered the term Legal Entity in a sci-fi book. I am pretty sure it was in one of the Ringworld series books. The term referred to any being recognized by law as having legal rights.

In our world a legal entity could be a person, a company, a corporation, a government, or any other thing recognized by law as having legal rights. Far, far too often I see databases designed to hold customer or supplier information where the customer or supplier is assumed to be a company or corporation. People and governments are often shoehorned in by being treated as a company or corporation. Of course I have also seen the opposite, with letters address to Mr. Department of Energy.

The reason for this is that most database designers design for the majority and do not take into consideration the exceptions. The exceptions are important, if only so you don't look stupid sending a voter registration form to a cat or a letter addressed to the head of household at a nuclear plant. Instead of designing a customer table that can only link to the company table design it to link to a legal entity table. The legal entity table can then indicate what type of legal entity you are dealing with and provide a link to the correct table. And if there is any possibility that your customers are going to be cats/bats/horseshoes/cars, create an entity table that contains a link to the appropriate subtype table (one of which would be legal entity).

Argh!!!

Living with a 16 year old high-functioning autistic child is really, really frustrating. Every day I ask him if you did his homework. "Yup." Did you turn it in? "Yes." Did anything happen at school today? "No."

Tonight I got a phone call from his homeroom teacher. It is time to do his IEP (just paperwork). The teacher had spoken to Matt and Matt wants to do it himself without me involved. The teacher just wanted to verify that this was okay and that Matt had spoken to me about it. Of course it was okay and of course Matt never said a word about it. I spent half an hour talking to the teacher about Matt, what he is like at home (very different than at school), and about his possible future.

So then I go out and ask Matt if anything happened at school today? "No." I asked him the same question three times in a row and he finally said "Nothing happened, just the usual stuff." So I said no, something special happened at school today, what was it. Then he remembered that the teacher had spoken to him. Why didn't you tell me sooner? "I don't know."

Apparently school and home exist in two different but parallel universes and knowledge about the one cannot be transmitted to the other. When Matt goes to school he doesn't know what happened at home, when he goes home he doesn't know what happened at school. It is a truly amazing and very frustrating phenomenon.

Predicting the future

Anybody can predict the future. Hold an egg in one hand four feet off the ground. Take your best guess at what will happen when you let go of the egg, then see if you were right. Wow, you predicted the future.

Sometimes it isn't that tough to predict the future. You don't need to drop an egg to know it will splat on the floor, you just know it will happen. You don't need to walk barefoot on broken glass to know it is a bad idea. You might not get cut, but that would be the way to bet.

On one of the database forums I post on there are several people that insist you should not do anything except what you have been asked to do because you can't know what the future requirements are. I disagree. When I design a database I do what I have been told to do, but then I go the extra step and design in hooks or features that I am fairly confident they are going to ask for in the near future. The tricky part is balancing the odds of the need against the cost of doing the work now versus later of course.

Balancing is always the tricky part of life. Even once you have predicted the future (or the odds of the various possible futures) you need to weigh the cost of preventing any future problem against the benefits of preventing that problem. We all know that walking on broken glass barefoot is a bad idea, but we don't wear shoes 24/7 to prevent cuts when we are fairly sure there is no broken glass in the area.

It makes sense to carry a spare tire in your car in case of a flat because the cost is low but the benefit is high. The odds of getting a flat are iffy, but given the low cost of carrying around a spare at all times versus the cost and inconvenience of not having one when you get a flat I think they are worth it.

If there is any point to this post at all (and even I am not sure if there is) it is that there are some things you should prepare for. Some habits you should learn to prevent future problems.

When I put the knives in the dishwasher I put the points down, because it takes little effort and saves me possible pain.

I have found that having a fairly large balance in my checking account can save me a lot of future grief if any number of things go wrong.

I keep basic life-support things with me in the car in case I get stuck somewhere.

I keep a stock of food, water, and a portable generator on hand in case I get snowed in or the power goes out.

I know how to find my son in an emergency and he knows how to contact my relatives and friends in case he can't find me.

This list could go on forever, but you should have the point by now. Think of what the future may bring. Figure the odds of a specific event happening. Figure the cost of planning for or preventing the problem now and weight that against the cost of dealing with the problem in the future.

The importance of understanding others

I like reading science fiction because it provides an opportunity to see other points of view. Similarly I enjoy talking to people about their points of view and beliefs. At least usually I enjoy it, sitting through a lecture on why their opinion is the right one because it just is isn't any fun so I avoid those situations when I can. But I like to learn about different viewpoints and I think it is important to do so. I think the world would be a much better place to live if people put more effort into understanding others rather than trying to force their own viewpoints down other peoples throats.

I don't really understand the reasoning that led to the crusades. Forcing people to accept your religion seems counterproductive and self contradictory. I don't really understand the people that blow themselves up to kill others that don't believe as they do. And perhaps more relevant, I don't understand those that want laws in place to force people to act as they think they should act. Oh, I understand the reasoning behind laws like public nudity, we need to have some basic agreement on what is acceptable public behavior. But I don't understand laws about things people do in private. Why ban gay marriage? If only consenting adults are involved why do we have any marriage laws? I don't understand why people feel the need to force people to conform to their expectations when they are out of their sight and what they do has no affect on others. This need to control others seems very unhealthy, yet very pervasive throughout human history. It is strange.

In this new year try to be open to other peoples viewpoints. And try not to care about what they do in private. We need more understanding in this world.